College is Complicated
by ScreamingLullabys
Summary: Humanstuck Collegestuck au in which Gamzee is just slightly less crazy than canon and gets kicked out of his apartment and stays with Karkat for a while. It's not that he doesn't wanna help Gamzee out, but the thought of possibly having his best friend/secret love interest possibly move in with him for good seems like shaky ground.
1. Chapter 1

You guess you'd say you're actually pretty lucky, all things considered. There's really not much to complain about, but you'll be damned if anyone ever knows that. You make it a point to complain pretty much always. If you didn't, you're friends would probably all get worried about you! But Feferi never takes it too much to heart. Of course there's the occasional nit-picking or snapping at each other, but what else can you expect from roommates? Sometimes she's a little too perky first thing in the morning or sometimes you get irritated when she invites people over without informing you, but at the end each day, you're both still friends.

Feferi wouldn't exactly be your first pick among your friends that you'd think to move in with when you moved out for college, but that's just how it worked out. Sollux had to move in with his brother some 20 minutes away from the school, and you needed to be closer because of your lack of a fucking car. Dave moved in with John, Rose, and Jade. Four people to one two-bed, can you believe that? It's a relatively HUGE apartment, but still. You'd considered Kanaya, but she insisted on moving into the shitty, over-priced dorm rooms. Eridan had also offered you a place, but, hm, let's see, fuck that. There was Terezi, but you think that'd be pretty awkward with Dave coming over all the time, and the fact that they're dating, and you're trying to be the good I've-moved-on-and-am-super-happy-for-you friend that you should be.

So when Feferi asked if you were still looking for a roommate, you'd have probably said yes even if the apartment were a complete shithole, which, surprisingly, it's not. For how cheap it is it's pretty nice, actually. Like you said, you can't really complain.

You'd moved in about… 3 months ago maybe? It hasn't been that long. But a lot of things have already gone to shit. Aradia dropped out probably just a fucking month into the year! She left town and went to some other school for archeology or some shit like that. Sollux doesn't seem too torn up about it, though. He's actually already dating Feferi, and Aradia and him are still really good friends he says, which is great because your friend's happy and since he's dating Feferi, he comes over a lot. You prefer to keep to yourself a lot, but you don't mind socializing every now and then, especially when it's with Sollux. I guess maybe him being a common really close friend also probably helps keep things chill between you and Feferi? Whatever.

You shrug the thought off as you leave the mostly-empty living room and wave to Feferi and Sollux and inform them that you'll be going to bed soon. Sollux makes some snide comment somewhere along the lines of "Bull2hiit, you never 2leep." In response to which you shake your head from side-to-side, make the ugliest face you can muster, and make sure to mimic his stupid lisp while flipping him off.

IT's not long after you walk into your bedroom and get settled into your bed, minus your pants and plus a laptop, that your "best friend" sends you a text. He actually is your best friend, but it sounds so stupid coming out of your mouth that you can't stand to say it with a straight face. The "best" part of that title should be mutually understood, but unspoken; for the most part at least. You look away from your laptop to focus on the number of texts you just got from Gamzee.

-Author's note-

(Short chapter, I know. I already have more where this came from, but I wanted to get what I can uploaded so far. Expect another update in the next few days or so. And please be patient with me while I try to figure out how to work this website hahaha.)


	2. Chapter 2

"HEY BEST BRO :O("

"i got a tiny motherfuckin favor I gotta get all up at askin you."

"HONK."

You guess that in the middle of spending time with Sollux, you hadn't even noticed that Gamzee had been texting you for the past twenty minutes. It's not unlike him to send floods of messages with no reply in return, but the frowny clown face and his change from his normal way of typing is a little alarming. I mean, at least his messages aren't so infuriating to look at now, but it's still not like him. You go on to read more.

"so long story short me and my bro equius had a falling out and i ended up choking out a motherfucker."

"Holy shit!" you yell out to yourself in shock. You start to text him back so fast that you're not even sure of exactly what you're saying, when you get another new message from him.

"NEP TRIED TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF IT AND SHIT WAS UGLY AND NOW I NEED A NEW PLACE TO CRASH."

"NEPETA TOO?" you both shout and type simultaneously. You've gotten pretty good at typing as fast as the words can flow out of your mouth when you get worked up, a special talent that's perfect for telling people off in your beautiful moments of seething rage. But your phone is a little more difficult to type on, and while you would give your left arm to call this piss-shitting dumbass, but you're going to be courteous to your bro and roommate and not make them go deaf. Also because it's like midnight and you don't want complaints for breaking noise ordinance. Again. So you kindly and politely tell your ex-best friend to get his pustule-covered ass on Pesterchum.

CG: YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE ME A GODDAMN MINUTE.

CG: I AM SO INFURIATINGLY PISSED THE FUCK OFF THAT I'M 100 PERCENT FUCKING SURE THAT STEAM IS GOING TO START SHOOTING OUT OF EVERY ORIFICE ON MY HEAD SO VIOLENTLY THAT MY HEAD IS GOING TO JUST POP STRAIGHT THE FUCK OFF MY SHOULDERS.

CG: SOLLUX IS GOING TO WALK IN TO GOODBYE TO ME WHEN HE LEAVES TOMORROW MORNING ONLY TO DISCOVER HE HAS TO SCRAPE MY BRAINS OFF THE WALL.

TC: aw shit man you didn't get your tellin on about how my bro sollux is getting his chill at your block.

TC: CALL IT A MOTHERFUCKIN PARTY NOW BROTHER.

TC: honk :O)

CG: IF NOTHING ELSE EVER GETS ACOMPLISHED IN MY ENORMOUS JOKE OF A LIFE, LET ME JUST MAKE ONE THING PERFECTLY CLEAR.

CG: THERE IS NO PARTY. THERE WILL NEVER BE A PARTY. AND IF THERE WERE ONE, YOU WOULD DEFINITELY NOT BE ON THE INVITE LIST, YOU GIANT SACK OF GROTESQUE ANIMAL WASTE.

TC: SO I CAN COME OVER THEN?

You slap your face into your left hand.

CG: OF COURSE YOU CAN. IT'LL BE LIKE A SLEEPOVER IN HELL AT SATAN'S PLACE.

CG: MAKE SURE YOU BRING MARSHMELLOS TO ROAST. BETTER MAKE GOOD USE OF ALL THIS FUCKING FIRE.

TC: i'll bring my own sleep sac too man :O)

TC: AND PROBABLY ALL A FEW BAGS TOO IF THAT'S CHILL WITH A BRO'S MAIN MOTHERFUCKER…

You sigh and take a moment just sitting there staring at your screen. You intended to go off on him a lot more than you actually did, looking back at your brief conversation. But who are you kidding? He's your best friend, after all. You really can't stay mad at him. And he's getting kicked out. You of course wanna know what happened between him and Equius, but at the same time you don't. You don't know. You just really want to be there for Gamzee. What if he's in the wrong? What if he started the fight? What if he deserves to get kicked out of his apartment and then some? You really, reeeeaally don't want to lose Gamzee's friendship. If there's anyone who can tolerate all of your shit, it's him. As much fucking blistering bullshit it is that he got into a fight and choked out Equius, and apparently maybe hit Nepeta, too, someone's gotta be there for him. Actually, on that thought…

CG: WHAT HAPPENED WITH NEPETA?

It takes him a minute to reply, but he does.

TC: :O(

CG: THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO FUCKING SAY FOR YOURSELF?

CG: NOPE. SORRY, YOU INEBRIATED EXCUSE OF A NO-TALENT CIRCUS REJECT. A SAD EMOTICON ISN'T GONNA CUT IT. BEFORE YOU COME OVER I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR.

Again, it takes him a little while to reply. You assume that means he's ashamed of what he did, which is a good sign, but you have to make him squirm for him to actually fucking learn a lesson.

TC: she tried to get in the middle of the wicked mess and break it up.

TC: MAN I DIDN'T HAVE NO KIND OF KNOW ON TO WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK WAS GOIN THE MOTHERFUCK ON.

TC: but the next thing i up at realized was that i grabbed her arm and hit her.

TC: SHE'S NOT TOO BAD, THOUGH.

TC: no broken bones or nothin no how.

That's it. That's it, there we go: you're back to your old foaming-from-the-teeth self. You try to give him the most gracious cursing that he'd ever be graced with in his miserable, misguided life. You try, but you can't.

CG: GET YOUR JUGGALO ASS OVER HERE SHITLORD.

And you close your laptop. You sit there for a second, not thinking anything, just staring at the corner of the wall to your left. While your mind is just every-so-briefly clear, you practice some bullshit breathing exercises. And it turns out that they're not as much bullshit as you'd originally thought. You let out a deep sigh when you're done and lay back on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

There's no reason any man should ever lay a hand on a woman. Pft, who are you kidding? You're actually in awe that Nepeta didn't hand him his own ass served on a silver fucking platter, with sides like Caviar and whatever else it is that pretentious wads eat on silver platters. You've seen Nepeta take on men twice Gamzee's size and get out perfectly unscathed. If she wants to try to get in the middle of a fistfight between two guys, then that's her business. You're not gonna hold it over Gamzee's head for hitting a girl. Actually, you've decided you're not gonna hold it over Gamzee's head for hitting anyone in whatever that situation was. You're sure he's very sorry and will be getting enough shit from all of your other friends. Yeah. You're just gonna be all the love and support that this drugged up circus buff could ever need.

You quickly pull your pants back on, as well as a hoodie, and walk out of your room. You find Sollux and Feferi making out rather loudly on the couch. You don't hesitate to throw the nearest object, which so happens to be a roll of paper towels, at them. All eyes are now on you, and not squeezed shut for grotesque, late-night make-out sessions. Good. "Gamzee's coming over," you promptly inform your roommate and guest. "Also he's bringing a few weeks worth of luggage because that's how long he's going to be here."

Sollux and Feferi give each other shocked, confused faces, before both trying to (at once) pry more information out of you. You interrupt the both of them abruptly. "He got in a fight with Equius. Like an actual fistfight. And Nepeta's kicking him out. So he's staying here in the mean time."

Both of them predictably look shocked and make "Oh!" sounds, but you're already zoning them out and heading for the door where you promptly take your leave to wait out in the hall to watch for your idiot friend to pull up in the parking lot.


End file.
